Anything but Safe
by foxmuldersbitch
Summary: Scully and Mulder take a walk in the rain...


**Title**: Anything but Safe   
**Author**: Petra Rodriguez (this is my first fan-fic so be kind)   
**Synopsis**: This is my first fan-fic, So I attacked the easiest subject, the relationship between Mulder and Scully.   
**Spoilers**: FTF, Small Potatoes, scully-abductionarc, cancerarc.   
**Disclaimer**: All characters of the X-files, as well as the X-files themselves are owned by FOX, 1013, Chris Carter (all hail), and hopefully the David and Gilly themselves. Please don't sue me . . . I couldn't help myself.   
  
  
  
  


Anything but Safe   
  
  
  
  


The gentle rain outside of Dana Scully's window caught her eye as she sat studying the files in front of her. She loved the rain. The smell of it, the taste of it, its cleansing touch on her skin, and every time that she attempted to concentrate on the work spread out before her, she found her eyes drifting back to the window, her body itching to experience the cool shower.   
She sighed, thinking to herself how perfect a walk in the rain would be right now. Especially after the hellish week that she had just been through. Sometimes she really wondered what the hell she had been thinking when she left medicine to work in the FBI, and why she hadn't gotten out of it long ago. Take this week for example, a group of teenagers (probably stoned and drunk out of their minds) had reported the alien abduction of one of their friends. And just because her partner Fox Mulder had a similar case in the same general geographical location in one of his files, they had had to go and investigate.   
Scully had been characteristically less than exuberant, and Mulder had been characteristically rearing to go, and because that part of her brain that made it possible to say no to Mulder always shorted out when she needed it most, she had gone along. And when the missing teen had shown up two days into the opening of their case, telling a tale of attending the wildest party in history, she hadn't said "I told you so", even when the words were trembling on the tip of her tongue, almost yelling at her to be spoken. She had instead packed up her motel room and driven back with Mulder, who was sullen and brooding the entire time. He could be such a baby sometimes.   
Scully smiled and admitted to herself, not for the first time that therein lied the reason why she had not left the FBI . . . Mulder. Crazy, paranoid, spooky Mulder. Her best friend who always told her the truth. Who trusted her with his life, when he didn't trust anyone else. Who she trusted with everything except her heart. Scully didn't leave the FBI, because Mulder needed her, and she needed him. It was simple, but complicated at the same time.   
Some people would call theirs a co-dependent relationship, ok most people would call it a co-dependent relationship, but that didn't bother her, because for her and Mulder it worked. She liked having someone besides her family worrying about her, and having Mulder around always made her feel safe. Which was ironic since he got her into more trouble then she could have ever got into by herself. She liked their inability to be away from each other for long periods of time without constant phone contact. But most of all, and this was something she would never admit to consciously, she liked the way he made her feel. So she didn't mind being in a co-dependent relationship. Because for them it worked fine. Well, most of the time anyway.   
Scully sighed again, as the phone rang. She got up slowly from the cross-legged position that she had been sitting in on the floor, and walked over to her phone, "Sc-Hello?" She always had to remind herself not to answer her home phone with her last name as she was so used to doing into her cell phone.   
"Scully, it's me." Mulder's voice low and familiar, sent waves of feeling through her body. The first wave was always apprehension, wondering what, if anything, had happened. Apprehension was then followed by a harder to define warmth. If asked she would have labeled that warmth, caring born from familiarity, but it may have had a different name if she allowed herself to think about it, which she was not prepared to do.   
"Mulder, what's wrong?"   
"Uh, nothing. I was just calling to see how you were . . . and to apologize for that wild goose chase that I brought you on." His words were halting as if they were difficult to say.   
Scully smiled to herself. Mulder apologizing? I guess there was a first time for everything. "You're _apologizing_?" The incredulity in Scully's voice was laced with humor. She tilted her head to the side, resting the cradle of the phone on her shoulder.   
"Yeah, I'm apologizing"   
"Oh. I don't know what to say Mulder."   
"How about "I forgive you", or "There's nothing to apologize for because I couldn't possibly think of a better way to spend a few days than cooped up in a crappy motel room right next door to my favorite G-man, who also happens to be cooped up in a crappy motel room?"   
"I forgive you, Mulder." Scully said, not trying to keep the smile out of her voice, as Mulder chuckled low and deep into her ear. "Was that all Mulder?"   
"How's the weather in Georgetown?" Mulder abruptly blurted out.   
"The weather? Um, probably the same as the weather in Arlington . . . rainy." Scully walked over to her kitchen cabinet, took out a glass and ran the tap.   
"Yeah. You know what I like to do on a rainy night, Scully? When I'm not on a case." Mulder's voice gave nothing away, and she could imagine him lying on his sofa, the room dark, the TV on, the rain beating against his window.   
"I have no idea Mulder." The water was cold enough now, and she put her glass under the flow, turned off the faucet and brought the glass to her lips.   
"I go for a walk. Do you like to walk in the rain Scully?"   
Scully gulped, almost choking on the water going down her throat. She stood there not moving, her eyebrows arched, wondering what would be the best thing to say. She cursed herself for not just saying the truth and immediately said "I love to walk in the rain." She then promptly cursed herself for not lying.   
"You wanna?" Still there was nothing readable in Mulder's voice to give her any clues.   
"Walk in the rain? With you?" The tone of her voice was incredulous, and she still did not move. If she moved, she would have to think about the feelings coursing through her body at his simple question.   
"Yeah. I could drive over."   
"Drive over here? Just to walk in the rain? What's up Mulder?" She finally stirred, bringing the glass back to her mouth for another very needed drink of water. She was thinking about the feel of him against her, when they had hit balls at a ball park a few months ago. At least _then_ the invitation had been left on her answering machine.   
"Nothing. I've just been sitting here thinking about some things. So, a walk in the rain and then maybe we could have dinner?" Mulder's voice had finally broken, and the emotion that Scully could sense underlying it scared her. It seemed to her that Mulder was afraid. Of rejection. She wanted at least one of them to be confident, and sure about this next step in their relationship, and God knew that she was anything but those things right now.   
Scully said the first thing that came to her mind, "But we'd be all wet." She brought the glass back to her lips.   
Mulder chuckled again, "I'll bring an umbrella, and if we feel like getting crazy, we can put it away, and I could bring a change of clothing." This time Scully did choke on the water, the image in her head of Mulder getting undressed, being naked, and then redressing somewhere in her apartment flashing into her mind. She began to cough wildly. "Scully? Are you okay?" Mulder said, worried.   
"Wrong pipe," Scully took a deep breath, telling herself not to think, and to say what she really felt. "Uh, you know what Mulder. I think that would be nice. But you'd better hurry, the rain might stop." And I might change my mind, she said to herself.   
"Okay, I'll pack a bag and be right over." Mulder sounded relieved, an emotion that Scully wished she could grab onto right about now.   
"I'll see you soon." Scully said, as Mulder hung up. He never wasted time on good-byes.   
Scully walked over to the sink, and began to rinse out her glass, her mind cleared of everything but the task at hand. She walked on auto-pilot towards her files, thinking that she should clean up if she was going to have company, halfway there she suddenly stopped. Out loud to herself Scully asked "Oh my god, is this our first date?" The empty apartment gave her no answer.   


***   


Fox Mulder was cursing himself. As he put a change of clothing into a bag, he cursed himself, as he locked his apartment door and walked toward the elevator, he cursed himself,in the elevator he cursed himself. What was he doing? What in the name of God was he doing? They had worked together for six years, and it had always seemed implicit to him that at some point their relationship would evolve into one of a more personal nature, but like this? To be honest with himself, from the first second that he had laid eyes on her, in his office on that glorious day six years ago, he had been attracted to her. And as he had gotten to know her better and better, and as the forces that they got involved with became more and more malicious, he had grown to realize that he could not live without her, that life without her would be a shell of what life could be with her by his side. He had always hidden his love for her behind humorous sarcasm and witty innuendo, but he knew and further, and more importantly, he felt that she knew that underneath that there was hidden and naked veracity. But throughout all of that, and throughout his surety that one day they would be together, he had never pictured himself as the catalyst for that beginning. And now he had asked her out. What if she was just going along with him? What if she didn't want to be with him? He cursed himself all of the way down in the elevator.   
What if he screwed everything up? Even after six years working side by side with Scully he wasn't completely sure how to act around her. Maybe that was the problem, he was afraid to be himself, to not hide behind aliens and flesh-eating monsters. He tried to remember back to before his life had become dominated by these things, and how he had been then. If he could tap into that part of him, then maybe he would have a chance. Maybe theywould have a chance. Together. As he walked to his car, the look on his face, was one of panic, although not many people would have been able to discern it from his regular somber face. Scully might have been able to.   
Now driving to Scully's apartment, he began to think about the phone conversation with his mother that he he'd had earlier that night. The conversation that had started him thinking and had delivered him to this course of action. She had called while he had been lying on his couch, watching a basketball game, annoyed at himself for being so gullible. He should have known that those kids were just screwed up, and that the abduction had been a fake. And the look on Scully's face when the missing boy had shown up had made him ashamed, and he had wished, not for the first time, that he could disappear. The phone had awakened him from these thoughts, and as always when the phone rang and he was away from her, he hoped that it would be Scully on the other end. It was instead his mother.   
"Hello, Fox," his mother said, her voice strong. The relationship with his mother after her stroke had strengthened, but because of his busy schedule he didn't talk to her as much as he probably should. Somewhere inside of him, he realized that the still undetermined part that she played in the disappearance of Samantha, still bothered him, and made their interrelation difficult.   
"Hi, mom. How are you doing?" He put the TV on mute.   
"Oh, fine, fine Fox, she paused, "I was just thinking about your father and Samantha, and when you two were young children. I miss the family sometimes. Don't you Fox?"   
"Yes, I do."   
"It's a horrible, horrible thing to be alone Fox, but we all make choices. And we can't go back on them. I just wanted to tell you that."   
"I'll always be here for you, Mom. You know that. I'm always here."   
"I know. And I always have my friends, but I still miss the family. And I fear that you may be lonely, and as your mother, that hurts me. Do you understand that, Fox?   
"Scully would say that loneliness was a choice. And on this I'm inclined to believe her."   
"How is Dana?"   
"Great. Maybe a little annoyed at me, but great."   
"What did you do?"   
Mulder began to flip through the channels, not watching, but just enjoying the flicker of the images, and the shadows they cast in the darkness of his living room."I brought her along on a wild goose chase."   
Mulder's mother laughed, "She should be accustomed to that by now. You know Fox, Scully may be right about loneliness. Maybe you both should look at the choices you've made so far in your lives. You don't want to get to be my age, and be alone. I'll talk to you again soon, Fox. Stay safe."   
"I love you Mom"   
"I love you too, son. Think about what I said. Good-bye, Fox."   
Mulder sat there as rain began to fall and his mind had conjured images that he had never allowed himself to think about. Him, old and alone, with only his failures to look back on, and his missed opportunities. Then he, surrounded by life and laughter, at a Christmas celebration, his grandchildren running around, drunk on life, and the beautiful eyes of the woman that he had married long ago, and still trusted with everything inside of him that was worth anything.   
All things were possible, but first the proper choices had to be made. He picked up the phone and called Scully, his throat constricted, his heart beating fast, the rain outside of his window, a litany. As the phone rang on Scully's end, he pushed all of those feelings to the bottom of his stomach, and affected his characteristic Mulder coolness.   
"Sc-Hello?" And with that he was lost. Giving himself up for sacrifice to the beautiful G-woman that was his partner, his confidante, his one in five billion, he took the plunge.

***   


Scully had spent the better part of the time in between when Mulder had called and when he arrived telling herself that this was not a date, that this was just another friendly outing with her partner. The fact that they never went on friendly outings that didn't include work, was pushed to the back of her head. She changed her clothes twice, at first she had put on a white t-shirt and jeans, and then realized that they would be walking in rain, and that a white t-shirt probably wasn't the best choice, so she had switched to a dark blue t-shirt. She sat on her bed and wondered what Mulder was going to wear.   
She thought back to the Eddie Van Blundht fiasco and the gray t-shirt that Mulder-Eddie had worn when he had come over. He wore that t-shirt all of the time, but that night it had looked different. The thought that maybe he had been thinking of her when he put it on, and the idea that he had left his apartment that night solely for the reason to see her had almost driven her crazy. Too bad, it had not been him after all.   
When she had turned from the kitchen that night, carrying the wine and the glasses, his jacket had been off, the gray t-shirt visible, and her breath had caught in her throat. God, what a body! To hide it under a suit should be illegal. But, probably a good idea if she was to ever get any work done at the office.   
Dana, she now said to herself in warning, Mulder is your partner, that's all. Yes, you care for him, but he would never let you get close enough to him to satisfy you, and you're too afraid of anyone getting that close yourself. You've worked together for six years, and never had a real conversation. The thing was that she wanted to, she really wanted to just sit down and shoot the shit with him, laugh about stupid things that they did as teenagers, build a foundation for a relationship that would last forever, not just during a crisis. She wanted it all, but she wasn't sure what Mulder wanted, and that was the scariest thing of all. Scully sighed, stood up, and walked to her window, crossing her arms across her chest as she watched the raindrops race each other down the windowpane.   


***   


Mulder pulled up outside of Scully's building, calmer than he had been when he left his apartment, but his heart still beating fast. He got out of his car, springing open his umbrella, and looking up slowly at a window in Scully's apartment, and wondered if she was looking down at him, having the same thoughts, hoping for the best, expecting the worst, letting emotions rush through. It was the moment of truth and he walked to the doors of the building, pulled them open and walked toward the elevator. This time, his heart was beating too fast to curse anyone or anything.   


***   


Scully was still looking out of her bedroom window as Mulder pulled up in his car. She crossed her hands in front of her body and took a deep breath. This time it was him, and he was here to see her, to walk with her in the rain. She walked towards the door, anticipating his knock, and chastising herself silently as she ran her fingers through her hair, as if she was 16-years old and about to go out on her first date with the cutest boy in school.   
She stood in front of her door, not knowing what else to do until he knocked, and realizing that this was it, that this was the night that it would all change, either for the better or for the worse. A knock came at the door, and Scully instinctively reached immediately for the knob, and then realized that she should wait a little bit. She didn't want him to think that she had been standing there waiting for him. Another knock came at the door, louder this time, and Scully opened the door.   
Mulder stood there, wearing a black t-shirt, jeans, and a light brown jacket, in his right hand was his umbrella and a small bag.   
"Hey, Scully. Can I come in?" He was grinning, but Scully could see that he was nervous, and that made her feel so much better.   
"Come in Mulder."   
"You look nice." Mulder said. Scully raised her eyebrows, not sure what to say to that.   
"Thanks, Mulder. You do too." They stood there for a few seconds, not looking each other in the eyes, in an uncomfortable silence, that was layered in too many emotions to count.   
"I was hoping that this wouldn't be so awkward." Mulder finally said.   
"What?" Scully couldn't think of anything else to say. She was mesmerized by how much taller he was than her when she wasn't wearing heels.   
"You know . . . this."   
"Do you want something to drink?" Scully said quickly, meeting his eyes, trying to change the subject.   
"No, Scully. Let's walk."   
"Yeah, let's walk." As she picked up her keys, and opened her door, Mulder put his hand on the flat of her back, a movement that he did often, but which felt completely different this time. The pleasurable clenching and release of her body a testament to that difference. She looked slowly over her shoulder, and found Mulder staring at her intently, his eyes smoldering. She quickly glanced away, as they walked out of her apartment, and she locked the door. Mulder's hand had since dropped away, but she could still feel the imprint of his presence all over her body.   
_ Dana_, she chastised herself, _you are definitely going crazy. Get a hold of yourself._   
Mulder was having similar difficulties with his faculties, and he marveled at the idea that although he was definitely sexually attracted to Scully, the feel of her under his hand had been so much more fundamental than just sexual, it had been like touching a star and knowing that if you were careful, and pure then you could become a star yourself, and live in the heavens.   
_Mulder_, he said to himself, _you're really losing it here. Stars? Heavens? Really._   
They had walked to the elevator by now, and were waiting for the doors to open, both lost in their own thoughts.   
"I was looking over the autopsy reports for that man that they found in the woods, up in Maine, and I still can't figure out what killed him. It's completely inconclusive. Do you still think it was some sort of forest creature?" Scully asked as the doors opened, and they stepped in. _When in doubt,talk shop_, Scully thought to herself.   
"Actually, I don't know. After this week, and that wild goose chase, I don't even want to _think_ about the X-files, let alone the plausibility of the existence forest creatures."   
The doors opened in the lobby of Scully's building, and they walked to the front doors, Mulder opening his umbrella. It was really pouring out now. The water coming down as if buckets full were being thrown down by the angels. He grinned, and turned to her. "Unless you _really_ want to debate the topic. I mean, I could quote from texts I've read, and recount similar stories I've heard, and then you could pose your customary rebuttal. Oryou could just get under here with me, and enjoy the walk."   
Scully said nothing, only paused, looked down at the floor, and slowly slid under the umbrella. Mulder pushed open the door and walked out into the torrential downpour. The soft streetlights were on, and the streets were deserted. Cars lined the sides of the road, but hardly any drove by.   
"Which way, Scully?"   
"Um, let's go this way. There's a park down there." And so they began to walk, and at first they were silent, just enjoying the warm comfort of being so close under the large umbrella, while rain fell around them. Mulder took a silent breath and took Scully's hand into his. She looked at him quickly, and if he had not known her better he would have sworn that she had almost blushed, but she turned her face away too soon for him to be able to tell. And still enjoying the quiet intimacy, they walked on, their hands intertwined.   
"I forgot to bring you flowers." Mulder said.   
"Were you planning to, Mulder?" Scully's voice was a little breathless, and she hoped that he didn't notice.   
"Well, yeah, actually I was. I wanted to make a good first impression." Mulder's tone was teasing.   
"If I remember correctly, my first impression of you was okay. I think your exact words were 'Nobody down here, but the FBI's most unwanted.' I should have brought you flowers that day." Scully liked how easily they fell into comfortable banter, even if it was just on the surface, and virtually meaningless.   
"I bet you wish sometimes that you had just turned around and walked back to the elevator." Mulder's voice had taken on an undertone of seriousness, as if her answer meant a lot to him. She could feel him looking at her, but she kept her eyes on the rain.   
"Nope, never even crossed my mind." Scully said, and she meant it with her whole heart, and she hoped that Mulder realized that.   
They had reached the park. The stone path through the middle was lit by tall metal lamps that cast a serene light through the blanket of rain.   
"I jog through here in the mornings sometimes," Scully said, her voice low and serious, "I like to watch the people going about their normal lives, as I gear up for another day of monster-catching, and alien-chasing. It puts things in perspective. At least for a few minutes."   
Mulder was silent and then lightly, "You're sure you never wished that you had just turned around and walked back to the elevator?"   
Scully looked up at him, as they approached a light that was quickly blotted out by their umbrella. She squeezed his hand and said, "I'm positive. I never had a purpose before, and now I do," Scully looked at the ground, with her little smile, that always made Mulder's heart leap, "albeit, it involves monster-catching, and alien-chasing, but it's still a purpose, and I thank you for that everyday."   
"Scully, I thank you for everything. Not just what we've accomplished with the X-files, but for my sanity, for having someone to trust, and someone that can give me their trust. You're my one in five billion."   
Scully looked at him, her eyebrows raised, that small smile still lingering at the corner of her lips, "The last time you told me that, you were strapped down in five point restraints about to be wheeled off to undergo shock treatments, no doubt."   
Mulder chuckled "Yeah, I remember. So you trust me, Scully?"   
Scully knew that tone of voice. It always promised something interesting . . . or dangerous. "Yes I do, Mulder."   
"Good." He pulled the umbrella from over their heads suddenly, collapsing it back into its smaller shape. Scully, surprised by the sudden abundance of rain everywhere, just stood there for a second. And then she began to laugh and turned her face upward directly into the spray, forgetting for a second that Mulder was even there, simply enjoying the feel of the water on her face and body. Only when he let go of her hand did she turn to him.   
"Catch me Scully." Mulder said, his voice both teasing and serious.   
"Mulder..." Scully said in warning.   
"Come on. Live a little. Catch me." At that, Mulder began to run. He was not thinking about anything, except that beautiful look on Scully's face when he had removed the umbrella. She had looked so innocent, so free, and he realized that sometimes _he_ wished that she had turned back around and got on that elevator and ascended from his life. He wished this because some part of him thought it was his fault, that all of the horrible things that had happened in her life since that day would have never happened if it hadn't been for him and his blind pursuit. Her sister's death, her abduction, her cancer,Emily, all never would have happened if she had turned back to the elevator. And even if she refused to blame him, he blamed himself. He ran, and hoped that she followed.   
Scully was too surprised at seeing Mulder running in the rain to move at first, but then her competitiveness kicked in and she ran after him. "I'll get you, Mulder. You may have longer legs, but I'm prettier!" She yelled, laughing.   
"Sure, whatever, Scully." He slowed down a little and then stopped. Scully not being able to stop her legs quickly enough, ran right into him. She jumped back quickly.   
"What's that?" Mulder asked, pointing. He had stopped at the sight of a little house, not a real house, but more like a gazebo in the shape of a house.   
"Oh, um, somebody donated that last summer. The children around here like to play in it."   
Mulder turned to her, "Come on Scully, let's go in."   
"You in the mood to play house, Mulder?" Scully teased.   
"Maybe. Come on Scully." He ran for the house, grabbing her hand and pulling her with him.   
"Okay, Okay." Scully laughed as she was pulled along.   
The entrance to the house, was child-size so watching Mulder practically fold his tall body in half to get inside made Scully laugh. When they got inside, it was much bigger than either of them had thought from the outside. There were benches lined up along the walls and Mulder's head didn't even reach the roof. There was a fake chimney that Scully assumed was for air circulation, but luckily because the house was under some trees, no water was leaking in. The grass on the floor was dry, and Scully opted to sit there while Mulder sat on a bench, stretching his long legs out. It was almost completely dark in the house, so they left the door open, catching a little light from the lamps outside. They were silent for a few seconds as they each removed their jackets, and began to twist the bottoms of their shirts, trying to get some of the water out.   
Scully broke the silence, "So . . . now what?"   
"How about we talk. We never really talk, do we Scully?"   
Scully had never told Mulder the specifics of her conversation with Eddie Van Blundht, and so him repeating Eddie's words from that night surprised her into silence.   
"Scully?"   
"No, we really don't talk much, Mulder" Scully finally said.   
"OK, then let's talk."   
"OK."   
And with the rain still falling, making music on the roof of their little house, they began to speak to each other. It was difficult at first, Mulder still afraid to open up a little, and Scully afraid of the same. But after a while they weren't Mulder and Scully, two agents of the FBI's most unloved division, they were just two friends who were shooting the shit. Their talk was light and funny, and they both laughed, the darkness making it easier. And gradually, it became more serious, and Scully began to talk about her abduction.   
"I hate losing control over things, Mulder, and the fact that someone took all of that away from me, my memories from that time, everything that I thought while they did those tests, makes me so mad." Scully said, and it was as if she was talking to Mulder in her mind as she often did, usually saying things that she felt she couldn't say to him out loud, except now he was here, and he was listening. And it felt good, and right.   
"I wish that I could take that away from you. Take away all of those horrible things that they did to you. I tried so hard to find you Scully. I didn't sleep. I didn't eat. All I did was think about you. I wore your cross against my skin, and prayed that you would come back to me, and that you were okay. I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't come back." Mulder had wanted to say these things to her for forever, but hadn't been able to. Instead, he had told her in his dreams.   
They sat in silence for a few seconds and then began to talk again, moving effortlessly between serious and trivial matters. Soon, the rain began to abate, and Scully's stomach began to rumble.   
"Is your stomach trying to tell me something?" Mulder asked.   
"Yeah. Feed me, G-man."   
"Okay, woman. Time for dinner. First I got to get my tall ass out of this door." Mulder laughed, and Scully smiled as he maneuvered his way out, and then stuck his hand back in for her. His pull was too strong though, and she ended up being pulled into his chest and then his arms. The moment was timeless and charged with emotion.   
"Scully . . . " Mulder breathed, as they made eye contact.   
"Yeah, Mulder?" Scully could feel the beating of his heart beneath her chest, and she closed her eyes.   
"Maybe we should check your clothes for bees." Mulder said.   
"I think it's safe." Scully smiled.   
"This is anything but safe, Scully. _Anything_ but safe," Mulder took a deep breath, as if preparing himself for something difficult and painful, looked down and then gently stepped back from her, letting go of her completely."There's always time for this. Let's go eat."   
"Yeah. Let's go eat." They began to walk in the light drizzle, and this time it was Scully who reached for Mulder's hand as they walked back to her apartment, down the lighted walkway, through the park.   
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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